“Taking My Time”
It is hot, but I love the heat, souterner that I am. I have just finished my office of readings and meditation. I am continuing the Ramdam fast. That is one of the reasons I am writing this, is to keep myself honest. I am starving, and it would be so easy for me to grab some food and justify it, but I am continuing the fast, it is a reminder to me of how many people here in San Francisco, and in the world go without food daily, they do not have access to food. I have people bitch, literally bitch at me when I give them food, and serve them food, and at times I want to scream at them, “be thankful, be appreciative.” The food I give them is nourishing, excellent, and it is food that I eat daily. But their complaining is deeper then that, it goes beyond the physical need, to the spiritual need of not having a place to belong, not having people care for them, it is an inner yearning that causes them to see out drugs and other means of escape. It is an inner yearning far beyond the physical, but the physical is ever present. The fasting frees me up to meditate and to pray without worrying about eating, and it allows me to look deeper into myself at my own inner needs, my own inner worries. At times I worry about money, how much longer I can make it on so little, and yet I know that I will continue to minister, continue to work, continue to feed, and I worry about my health, and about my body, and again that to must be placed in God’s hands. Ultimately all must be placed in the hands of Jesus. But there it is at 4:00 p.m., and I am fasting, and I am just fine. Deo Gratis! Thanks be to God!
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